Helpful Life Hacks

1. Don't make eye contact with anyone that's male, over 40, really muscly, big, or scruffy looking because they WILL attack you

2. Don't let anyone know any details about you, don't tell your doctor, your friends, change your name and move country

3. Don't buy a drink for anyone because you will be imprisoned for attempting to drink spike

4. Never eat anything that has any fat or carbohydrate in it because you'll gain too much weight and everyone will tell you that you look like an elephant

5. Quitting signifies laziness and irresponsibility 

6. Don't get enthusiastic about diet or exercise because you'll become obsessive and develop anorexia

7. Don't follow your dreams as they're pointless and you'll get absolutely nowhere

8. Don't buy candles because you'll develop a sleep disorder and set your house on fire

9. Any friendship with someone of the opposite gender will result in marriage

10. Worry all the time because any bad outcome that you haven't properly played out in your mind will happen in real life

11. Become a vegan and slowly starve to death

12. If you don't travel regularly and let people know about it on social networks then you have a boring, empty personality

13. If you see someone young with kids then the pregnancy wasn't planned and they will be on benefits

14. Save all money you earn as in the future you'll need it to fund emergency medical care and a new house because yours will burn down

15. If you live with your parents past the age of 20 you are overly attached to everything and likely inbred

16. Always believe everything you're told and never have an open mind

Happy Star Wars Day!