Real talk

This one's been a long time brewing.

I am finally seeing clearly that for the past year I have been unhappy with many things. My choice of career, friendships, my own thought process. It was all wrong. I have stepped back from everything, am beginning to understand myself in a way I have never before. I'm 24 going on 25 and I do not have time to fake anything or be a part of anything that doesn't serve me.

You do a lot of growth in your twenties. You just do. You do even more growing if you put all your effort and consciousness into it. That is my position now. I'm putting effort in, to understand myself, my aspirations and how I want experience this wonderful existence.

Existence can be boiled down.

Are you a lion?

Are you an antelope?

Are you your authentic self?

Or are you living under a facade?

Simple questions like that. 2017 has felt different for me than other years. I started with change and I want it to continue. I want to be me, my authentic self and shed all the toxic baggage that I've been carrying around. Cus honestly, not allowing yourself to breathe and just be free, is exhausting.

For years, I have tried to please people, eagerly making new, ill matched friendships, and chasing typical, dull goals of someone in their early twenties. I've let other people lead, make choices for me, following their decisions, plodding along in compliance. I haven't done anything drastic, challenged anyone, or made bold moves for my own benefit. I haven't listened to myself. I often spent time alone when this was my mindset, where the real me would bloom in the confines of my bedroom. I don't think allowing yourself one small room to truly be yourself, is fair, or right.

So I have started letting go of anything that does not serve ME. The actual me. If I am hating something, I will get rid of it. If someone makes me feel negative, or treats me badly, they go, no second chances. Not because I am mean. Because I love myself, a lot more day by day :)

I am someone who likes to overeat and is kind of chunky. Who gets insecure about money and about anything job or career related. I read and enjoy films. And need time alone. I like playing board games and painting my nails. I am indecisive and my interests change by the day. I am goofy and childish. I hate commitment and most of all, I like feeling happy.

Here's to being the puppet master of your own life.

BrushMonkeyStudio

Hello!

Quick, exciting update from me, to you.

You may have read my previous post regarding art tips and what I have learnt from a month of painting. If not, shame on you, go and read it and begin painting yourself! It is a world of fun. 

Anywho, I decided to do something wild and opened a website where I am selling my paintings; these range from oils to acrylics, space to landscapes to Stranger Things! The website is called BrushMonkeyStudio, named by my dad, who,when asked what I should call my online shop, came out with Brush Monkey, a name which I feel encompasses all I am! A little monkey who paints with a brush; a monkey insinuated someone slightly cheeky and rough handed, both of which again, I am.

Where you can view and purchase my art: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/BrushMonkeyStudio

So yes, goal well and truly achieved. I am very proud of myself and regardless of the outcome I feel as though I have done myself proud this year, and we are only in February! I have also had my first sale, which is finger tinglingly exciting if you ask me!

If you are interested in my art, then please do take a look at my shop :) I aim to please!

Happy February all. Love yourself, and oh my god, happy pancake day! Mine were pre-made ones from a Supermarket! I make more effort on my art than I do my pancakes, I promise.

Sarah

Time

Disney playlist is in full swing. 230 songs, could be a long afternoon lads. Don't make any extravagant plans.

So the mini-topic here is the concept of time. As most pro-active people, I enjoy having drive and motivation. I also enjoy having some goals in motion, some things to 'achieve' within time periods. Like, for example, I'd rather like for me and my partner to be in our own flat by this summer. But time breeds more sadness for me, than it does anything else.

One thing I think is nearly satanic in nature, is being, well, time's bitch. We all do it. Don't say you don't, because I am going to tell you why you probably do.

I think a huge source of unhappiness comes from the concept of time. We are all born into it, and begin the big countdown from day 1. We plan holidays, we set goals to be done by a certain time, we count down hours at work, we know there are only 24 hours in a day, a day in which we won't ever get to live again, we have created the concept of a year, and a lot can happen in a year can't it? A lot can also not happen. Did I do enough this year? Did I waste my time? What is the best use of my time? By this time next year...

Being sentient creatures, we also have a tendency to reflect on past times. Sometimes a deadly practise in itself. Often I sit and mentally map out my path so far, tracking achievements and goals back to certain years to the present. And you know what, that's quite a lot to think about. Lumping my existence into a 24 year block of time. For me, I find it much more enjoyable to think in the moment, cliched as it may sound.

My suggestion: SCREW TIME. Leave it alone; leave it as a concept. Time is constricting. It is inevitable. It exerts pressure. It lays boundaries. It allows for dull routine. It is daunting. Overwhelming at times.

Don't let it define who you are. Our paths are not dictated by time. Dissolve the concept of a year, a week, a day, your own age. None of that matters. What matters is your existence, your happiness and what you want to do with it. Remember, magic can happen at any moment. Please don't be a slave to time. Or think you're not where you need to be by a certain 'time'. That isn't real. We made that machine and now it owns us. Other animals don't do that. We don't need to either.

Remember, life is limitless. You can do anything, at any 'time'.

Shout out to this penguin I met, he was having a good 'time'!

One month of painting: What I've learnt

Feeling a bit glum tonight; shan't dwell. I know that writing or, typing things, is effective at alleviating bad things. There's probably a journal article to support that somewhere. I'll be impressed if someone finds me one. It probably won't come as a surprise that in an attempt to prove my sentence I just googled stress relief and then resorted to this flow of text instead.

For the past month or so I have been painting. Quite a lot. I started it as a tool to liquidise stress and one track negative thinking. I am a perfectionist with a tendency to over analyse so I liked that it allowed me to control what's going on with the paints, adding colour here, blending there, rather than sitting drowing in my own thoughts. It is distracting and drowning is never good, in any context. Mainly I've used oils and acrylics, with canvases of various lengths and widths and heights and personalities. :)

If you don't do anything to express yourself creatively, I urge you to go and try painting as a hobby. And if you aren't a fan of mess; drawing and sketching. And if you're already way ahead of me, digital art?

Here's what I've learnt:

1. Painting is not expensive, and you can reap the rewards. Buy your supplies from somewhere cheap. I've come to find that black paint won't hold to really cheap canvases, but brushes, paints, easels, sponges, don't be tricked into spending all your money. I do warn you though, dear friends, do not walk recklessly into oil painting, you will need a lot of white spirit to remove the paint from your brushes, it is the bane of my existence at the moment!

2. Prepare your hairdryer! A tip I learned from watching Derren Brown's incredible painting videos on Youtube. The cool air dries acrylic quickly and makes it easier to progress your piece without hanging around waiting, literally, for paint to dry.

Derren Brown's mind-blowing portraits: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwCKJt8aAZ0

3. It doesn't have to go 'right' to be a success. As in life, nothing is perfect, and perfection is subjective. You know, all that beauty is in the eye of the beholder bullshit, well turns out it's true. Painting is such a personal process and we all see success differently. Going into painting thinking every piece needs to be perfect will be painful for you and is quite, well, stupid. Only today I happily ditched a shit self portrait attempt.

4. Have your own tool kit. Particularly useful when exploring background effects and making your creations interesting. I have palette knives, sponges, tooth picks, pen lids, alongside a selection of chunky, fan and thin brushes (do not quote those names, they are not technical terms!). 

5. It is distracting and fulfilling. Unlike watching Netflix for four hours, with painting you can step out of it feeling accomplished and productive. Like hey, you know what, my life may be in tatters but I painted this amazing octopus today! I did good! (That was me, earlier on).

6. You learn on the job. I've always liked space as a concept and took it as a direction for my painting. I even bought a book entitled 'Our Solar System' so I could inspect the appearance of the planets in all their ethereal glory! When painting anything, you unconsciously consider its dimensions, its colours and its purpose and to me, learning anything unconsciously is kind of cool.

For now, here's a few things I am still learning about painting;

• What is the best way to sign my paintings?
• Shall I sell my paintings?
• How can I best package my paintings to keep them safe?
• How can I best manipulate acrylic paint to give the bold, textured effect of oils?
• What do I want to paint?

Here's a few things I have managed to create in my Painting month!

Happy painting friends!

Sarah

The best Netflix originals in 2017?

Serious question, how would you explain Netflix to aliens? I bet they have their own version of Netflix; Do you think they've got high flying extra terrestrial film stars? Is E.T the alien equivalent of Clint Eastwood? Do they hold their Baftas in a different solar system and put out little nibbles?

Today I wanna give you some Netflix recommendations; if you don't have Netflix, stream the shows illegally...wait what, no please don't take me away for copyright infringement. Netflix is going from strength to strength and it isn't surprising that they're producing more original content at the expense of big wig films and companies.

1. The OA - What can I say?  When I finished Stranger Things I thought no sci-fi/fantasy would fulfil me as much, I was wrong. Not only does it contain a black haired Lucius Malfoy, Jason Isaacs is probably my favourite part of the show, it showcases some pretty unknown talent. The premise behind this one, is blind girl goes missing from her family for seven years, only to return in her 20s with her sight restored. She settles into a difficult life back home, amongst 5 other entertaining characters storylines, and slowly, we learn the details of what happened to her in those seven mysterious years, and it ain't pretty. The series is original, powerful and full of heady concepts. It's coated in the supernatural and incredibly addictive; when you are watching it, you are in it, not on your phone scrolling through nail art or cat fails.

2. Santa Clarita Diet - Drew Barrymore, check. feel good comedy, check. Woman who eats people, check. This show is an absolute pleasure and revitalises the 'zombie' genre. I've been binge watching it since it came out...today! It centres around an awkward, loveable couple who are estate agents in California. Their daughter is pined over by their law enforcement neighbour's son and they pretty much are living in a happy bubble. Everything is peaches and cream, until Sheila (Drew) projectile vomits a lorry's worth of bile, throws up what seems to be a red fleshy stone, and essentially becomes...an impulsive flesh eater. Then we are taken on a hilarious, mad adventure as the family try to adapt to this new way of living, discover what has happened to Sheila, and try to evade any attention and possible life imprisonment for murder. They aren't dissimilar to the characters Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne play in Bad Neighbours; you love them because they aren't perfect but they're scarily relatable kind of thing, maybe also because the dad smokes weed. The plot may at times feel like an extended film but everything holds together with strong acting and tasty humour. Guys, it's sort of bizarre, amazingly feel good, and has hardcore committed relationship goals.

3. Riverdale - Now, I did worry that I was simply watching another glorified Disney channel show but I was kind of wrong...I think. Frustratingly, Netflix is releasing new episodes weekly, and as of today, there's only one. But it made a good impression. Don't get me wrong, the show is probably aimed at younger viewers or those that love a cheesy, American teen drama; most of the characters are in high school so you know, worry about cute guys, cheerleading and proms.What I do like is its weird darkness. The story evolves around a group of troubled teens, facing small town dramas under a bubbling darkness growing in small town Riverdale. Fact is, the show is based on a graphic novel franchise,  Archie Comics, which must give it some standing! Here's to hoping that it doesn't become a mistake, and does become a gritty, guilty pleasure.

Sarah

Slade House by David Mitchell review

David Mitchell - Slade House (2015)

First sentence: 'Turn down Slade Alley - narrow, dank and easy to miss, even when you're looking for it.'

Plot: The mysterious Slade House is only a short walk down dank Slade Alley, concealed from view by a high wall and a small, black, iron door. This chilling, dark scary story begins in 1979 and ends in 2015, every 9 years following a different viewpoint/ character perspective. The split narrative leads us through a diverse selection of entertaining characters, into the tempting grip of house itself. Thing is, the people who go in, never come out. And this house is notoriously hard to find, unless you're looking for it, or in fact, it's looking for you.

Thoughts: This was my first encounter with David Mitchell, though I know his multiple viewpoint style and stories are much loved and held in high regard by readers. Maybe the fact that many of his novels could provide a month's supply of toilet paper halted my interest in the past, the man likes to write big. This one is little though, don't fear. Idiotically enough, it even slipped my mind on handling, that the book was created by the other David Mitchell, the comedian. Anyway, that's not why I bought it shut up. Slade House takes a unique spin on the haunted house genre and the 'missing person' mystery. The story is paced to perfection and after 9 years (and a large chapter), we meet a new victim, all of whom are ridiculously well sculpted and entertaining in their own ways. Old, young, bad, good, it's all there and we root for them to somehow break the chain of gruesome events. All the characters are likeable, developed, and feel very, very real. Though it does have some elements of the old Goosebumps books, it is adult fiction; adult horror.

My favourite characters were those found in Slade House. They were fascinating to say the least. I shan't divulge too much, but Mitchell, though sometimes too heavily, does a grand job of providing a delicious back story and history of those dwelling within the attic, proving to me he isn't just a comedia..Yes, at times it was a little heavy on back story specifics, but I enjoyed the insight and pondering how long it took him to mould the two intricate villains. The descriptions and goings on in the attic were also enjoyable to read. Without feeding you details, and I'm not, as his descriptions were very open to the imaginative among us, it sort of vibrated with dark energy, full of circling patronus charms, blood and black magic.

The story is unpredictable, gripping with strong supernatural elements and a pretty cool ending. A stand alone spooky novel. As many other self assured reviewers have said (I'd like to not lump myself in that bracket), Mitchell does a superb job of teasing you throughout, adding uneasy elements and pulling at our fears and anxieties. I also enjoyed how Mitchell created unique jargon for the novel to support his inventive concepts.

Bonus points: I would like to award extra awesome points for the presentation of the novel. The front depicts the entrance of Slade House and the pages are STAINED GREEN for heaven's sake. When I was opening it, the inner nerd within me felt it not dissimilar to the descriptions of the lush bloom of green plants in the gardens of the house! Nice job of making us think we hold the foundations of the house within our trembling hands Sceptre Books.

Cons: Although it isn't sold as hardcore horror, it wasn't as 'scary' as I'd hoped. And the villains weren't Ted Bundy's. Maybe I just like gore in the form of limbs being removed with katanas. I dunno. I can't call the novel exceptional, but I highly recommend it for Halloween feels or just a gloomy yet weekend read.

Sarah

Apocalypse Now Now review

Charlie Human - Apocalypse Now Now (2014)

First sentence: 'There are questions that run through your head when you find out that you're a serial killer.'

Plot: Let me introduce you to our main man Baxter Zevcenko, he's the youthful chap with the questionable insignia on his forehead! Alongside running a successful pornography business within his school in Cape Town, Bax is bossing rival gangs with the help of his odd-ball, yet loveable, wolf pack of friends. In this adult novel, Esme, his girlfriend, is pronounced missing and everything he knows, becomes incredibly weird. Basically, shit starts to go wrong and strange, dark, bizarre things leak into Baxter's life, with a pinch of apocalypse to add flavour! As any responsible teenager would, Baxter embarks on a mission to find who took Esme, with the unconventional aid of a supernatural bounty hunter. Yes that's right! You heard me right! Walk, and sometimes frantically dart, with Bax and Ronin as they explore Cape Town's twisted underworld.

Review: Now, I urge you to scroll back up and take a look at that cover. For a debut, Human does not scrimp on the wild appearance of his vision. I picked this book up at my local bookshop because of the artwork. Before peeling the first page, we are treated to comic illustrations of dark creatures embossed with blood, maroon tentacles circling praying mantises and a selection of gothic characters dwelling firearms. I mean damn, this book hit the spot for me. It screams gothic, urban fantasy, which is essentially what it is.

Apocalypse Now Now reads like butter, the quality of writing cannot be knocked. It is infused with wild imagination and gave me the similar feelings as Neil Gaiman's Coraline. The prose is weird and violent, yet compelling. Not dissimilar to watching someone start a fire inside a house, or try to make friends with a feisty cobra. The pace is fantastic and the chapters are short, allowing the story to move comfortably. The author is eloquent in capturing Baxter's twisted, adult sense of humour in dialogue, which complimented mine like cheese to wine. I read chapters thinking, does this Charlie guy know me, does he read my blog or summa?! When I laughed, of course, I grew a relationship with Bax and the equally hilarious Ronin; I often myself, gleefully pondered the real life consequences of hanging out with a middle aged, gun dwelling, alcoholic, unpredictable hunter.

Readers learn how Baxter deals with unconventional family life (very relatable), help him face otherworldly decisions and dive into a chaotic underworld. Reading this book felt like walking down a darkened street when you should be in bed, lined with shady gentlemen and the occasional hooker, not knowing what you're going to be greeted with. One aspect I found incredibly charming was the incorporation of Baxter's psychiatrist's reports; including these, which gave the reader an honest insight into Bax's twisted personality, also balanced out the high amounts of contrived fantasy and made up beasties.

Give it a go, I highly recommend. Great, original story that's funny and relatable. There is a book 2, called Kill Baxter that I found just as compelling, may review soon! Funny side note; please remind me not to awkwardly use social media as a vessel for showcasing my admiration of books. I don't think Charlie Human appreciated my sickeningly sweet compliments on Twitter...or maybe he did. Maybe he's too cool and awesome to reply...

Sarah