Real talk

This one's been a long time brewing.

I am finally seeing clearly that for the past year I have been unhappy with many things. My choice of career, friendships, my own thought process. It was all wrong. I have stepped back from everything, am beginning to understand myself in a way I have never before. I'm 24 going on 25 and I do not have time to fake anything or be a part of anything that doesn't serve me.

You do a lot of growth in your twenties. You just do. You do even more growing if you put all your effort and consciousness into it. That is my position now. I'm putting effort in, to understand myself, my aspirations and how I want experience this wonderful existence.

Existence can be boiled down.

Are you a lion?

Are you an antelope?

Are you your authentic self?

Or are you living under a facade?

Simple questions like that. 2017 has felt different for me than other years. I started with change and I want it to continue. I want to be me, my authentic self and shed all the toxic baggage that I've been carrying around. Cus honestly, not allowing yourself to breathe and just be free, is exhausting.

For years, I have tried to please people, eagerly making new, ill matched friendships, and chasing typical, dull goals of someone in their early twenties. I've let other people lead, make choices for me, following their decisions, plodding along in compliance. I haven't done anything drastic, challenged anyone, or made bold moves for my own benefit. I haven't listened to myself. I often spent time alone when this was my mindset, where the real me would bloom in the confines of my bedroom. I don't think allowing yourself one small room to truly be yourself, is fair, or right.

So I have started letting go of anything that does not serve ME. The actual me. If I am hating something, I will get rid of it. If someone makes me feel negative, or treats me badly, they go, no second chances. Not because I am mean. Because I love myself, a lot more day by day :)

I am someone who likes to overeat and is kind of chunky. Who gets insecure about money and about anything job or career related. I read and enjoy films. And need time alone. I like playing board games and painting my nails. I am indecisive and my interests change by the day. I am goofy and childish. I hate commitment and most of all, I like feeling happy.

Here's to being the puppet master of your own life.