Time

Disney playlist is in full swing. 230 songs, could be a long afternoon lads. Don't make any extravagant plans.

So the mini-topic here is the concept of time. As most pro-active people, I enjoy having drive and motivation. I also enjoy having some goals in motion, some things to 'achieve' within time periods. Like, for example, I'd rather like for me and my partner to be in our own flat by this summer. But time breeds more sadness for me, than it does anything else.

One thing I think is nearly satanic in nature, is being, well, time's bitch. We all do it. Don't say you don't, because I am going to tell you why you probably do.

I think a huge source of unhappiness comes from the concept of time. We are all born into it, and begin the big countdown from day 1. We plan holidays, we set goals to be done by a certain time, we count down hours at work, we know there are only 24 hours in a day, a day in which we won't ever get to live again, we have created the concept of a year, and a lot can happen in a year can't it? A lot can also not happen. Did I do enough this year? Did I waste my time? What is the best use of my time? By this time next year...

Being sentient creatures, we also have a tendency to reflect on past times. Sometimes a deadly practise in itself. Often I sit and mentally map out my path so far, tracking achievements and goals back to certain years to the present. And you know what, that's quite a lot to think about. Lumping my existence into a 24 year block of time. For me, I find it much more enjoyable to think in the moment, cliched as it may sound.

My suggestion: SCREW TIME. Leave it alone; leave it as a concept. Time is constricting. It is inevitable. It exerts pressure. It lays boundaries. It allows for dull routine. It is daunting. Overwhelming at times.

Don't let it define who you are. Our paths are not dictated by time. Dissolve the concept of a year, a week, a day, your own age. None of that matters. What matters is your existence, your happiness and what you want to do with it. Remember, magic can happen at any moment. Please don't be a slave to time. Or think you're not where you need to be by a certain 'time'. That isn't real. We made that machine and now it owns us. Other animals don't do that. We don't need to either.

Remember, life is limitless. You can do anything, at any 'time'.

Shout out to this penguin I met, he was having a good 'time'!

Does Anyone Else Do This?

Evening, nosy bastards.

I could think of many words to realistically describe my current mood as I type. First, allow me to set the scene for this blog post. Yes I am doing one. No I am not consistent. No It probably won't be groundbreaking. Yes it is really funny and probably explains my temperament.

In the dull drone of the afternoon, I found myself at the Give Blood centre. The place I go is a little church that they temporarily fancy up to look like it's welcoming enough for humans who are giving selflessly (I'm not sure I find leaflets and posters about taking God's hand particularly comforting but it's a nice building). Name called, I saunter in and the old lady, who looked like she'd been hitting the shit since the 60s, pulled me into a booth and did the test to see if my Iron/Haem levels were good enough. Although her composure no doubt reflected her years of experience, the placid look on her face soon changed when she asked me why I'd ticked that I was a male donor who'd had unprotected oral or anal sex with another man. Theeeeeen, a whole load of awkward stuff happened and at one point I lay in the middle of the donor room, legs elevated because I felt faint; who knew I solicit sexual favours AND have such unyielding nerves of steel.

Although a good laugh, that put me in a bad mood. I really value giving blood and I hated being told that I couldn't do something selfless with my time.

Which brings me back to describing my mood. It's nice to sum it all up in a realistic word. I don't want to think and worry in circles about things, I just want to reassure myself that I am merely an adjective and that my theatrics will roll over.

Manic. As I type, it's cascading into indifference but for the sake of pessimism we'll stick with manic. It hasn't been a great day guys. It's like the things I worry about are separate pieces of a pie, regulated by wires linking them together in a logical, manageable system. When I get panicky, a pair of malificent hands tangle all the wires and some are hanging out of their sockets and some are put in the wrong order and I'm trying to think about every single worry at once and sort it all out and then the system fails. 

I don't know if this happens to anyone else but to accompany a sour mood, I often like to rise daggers at myself. Why don't you have a car? Why aren't you saving more money? Why haven't you moved out? Why are you writing this shitty blog po....

Spending time on my own can be most therapeutic and quite equally an absolute ballache. Not that I have said appendage.

A warm embrace to fellow worriers out there who are feeling these things too. We all know that it'll end up being okay, and if it's not okay, it most certainly isn't the end.

Holiday offer: half price oral and/or anal packages upon presentation of large latte!